Lessons from a Former First Lady

      A few months ago, my sister-in-law sent out a text asking who wanted to go see Michelle Obama. I said I'd be interested, mainly because I like spending time with the women in my family and thought this would be a fun outing. The day came around and I was excited, but only moderately so. We met for dinner, walked in chilly, crisp air to the venue, waiting in a LONG and disorganized line to get in, and took our seats just as the lights dimmed to start the show.
     I'm not one to get starstruck. If I saw a celebrity on the street, I would look with interest, but I wouldn't scream and swoon and beg for autographs. However, I will fully admit that I was taken aback by Michelle Obama. I can't even explain the extent of her kindness, passion, humor and authenticity. You cannot fake that. She is a truly lovely person.  
      Luckily, my mother in law had some notecards so that I could furiously scribble notes to share with you. Michelle's message was simple and to be honest, nothing new. However, her delivery and the parallels to what I'm finding in my coaching practice were powerful. Her book, ​Becoming, (which I have not yet read in its entirety), is about the continual journey to authentically become your best self. As a coach, I have honed in on the "Big A" words: Awareness, Authenticity, Action, Accountability, and Abundance. I truly believe that many people jump from awareness to action without spending enough time getting in touch with their authentic selves. People take action based on their observations of others and often end up right back where they started because that action is not in line with their true values or core selves. Michelle Obama's message centered around the importance of "reaching continually toward a better self"...in other words, on becoming who you are truly and uniquely capable of being.
      Here are some of the biggest take aways from her talk:

• Lead by example with hope, never fear.  Hope encourages people to strive to do more for the simple pleasure of getting better. Fear changes our motivation. Hope allows; fear forces.
• It's not the thing you arrive at; it's the journey. She was talking about this idea of becoming. She even said, "The book is not called Became."  In my coaching practice, I often say that I work from two philosophies: 1)You should hold yourself big...in other words, you should set your standard high and reach  for your big dreams. 2)You can learn to find peace, happiness, satisfaction, well-being regardless of circumstances. In other words, it's not just about reaching the goal posts. Accomplishments are wonderful, but as soon as we reach a goal, we set another--usually bigger--goal. To come from a place of abundance and satisfaction no matter where you are on the journey is the true objective.
• Push past your fears because your fears can keep you stuck in ways you don't even know. So true! It's important to note that this isn't referring to fears of real danger such as abuse or violence or neglect. This is the more abstract fears we create for ourselves with our thinking...the fear of failure or the fear of looking stupid or the fear of being rejected by others. When we feel these fears, we are rarely in imminent danger. To Michelle's quote I would add: change your thinking so that you can push past your fears. Not sure how? Ask me!
• Do not let other people's low expectations define you. Set the bar high for yourself. You do not have to believe anybody's opinion of you! You get to decide who you are. Practice self love and you will learn to, as Michelle said, "know that all of the noise is just noise."
• You are good at what you are passionate about.  Michelle left a lucrative, high-powered job as an attorney to pursue her passions. Many, including her supportive parents, questioned her sanity. But here she is, a former First Lady, writing books and selling out huge venues while spreading a message of self-love, altruism and hope. Her passion is palpable. 

     I don't want this post to get too long, but she had so many gems, it's hard to pick the best ones. However, one last message resonated with me, and it relates to the first bullet point of hope versus fear. It's important to mention that she did not at any point say one nasty or cruel or insulting comment about anybody (except for teasingly calling Barack a few names when talking about challenging times in their marriage). While she has been dragged through the mud, she never stooped to the level of insults or name calling. In fact, she said, "when they go low, we go high." Furthermore, when talking about her very public time in the White House and all the interactions she had in her role as First Lady, she said the following: "At our core, I saw this country for all its beauty and tolerance and openness. It made me hopeful and it continues to make me hopeful." This speaks to the fact that our brain will find evidence to support our thinking. If she chose, she could easily find evidence of a closed off, hateful world. She's been called an "ape in heels," for goodness sakes. But she chooses to see the good and the hopeful. She also said, "It is our stories and our day to day connectedness that defines us. It's hard to hate up close." Ponder that, my friends.

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