Put Some Gratitude in your Attitude

Matt Jones

     This week, a friend e-mailed me with the following question:
     "How do I go about teaching a 4 year-old to be thankful for the things that she has? I think she’s at this developmental age where she’s really starting to notice that other people have swimming pools in their backyards and other people have this and other people have that.   I didn’t know if something like a thankfulness board would be a good idea or what but I thought you might be able to give me an idea or two of something that would be beneficial. Any input or ideas you could share would be much appreciated."
      First of all, I LOVE that people are sending me these kinds of questions.  Thank you and keep 'em coming!
    Secondly, gratitude is near and dear to my heart. Research shows that practicing gratitude can enhance physical health, boost self-esteem, strengthen relationships and even improve sleep habits.
     Did you notice that I said, "practicing gratitude"?  Like anything else, practice can make you better at it.  And why not get better at something that is so good for you?
     So back to my friend and her daughter: how do we teach gratitude and practice it ourselves. Here are some ideas:

• Keep a gratitude journal for at least 30 days. In the morning or right before bed, write down three things for which you are grateful. Be specific and try not to repeat yourself. For example, rather than writing "my husband," write something like, "that my husband likes to cook" or "my husband's way of making me laugh when I'm feeling frustrated."
• Create a gratitude board.  I like my friend's idea, especially for children and visual learners. Creating a board that you can add to and look at on a daily basis will help wire your brain to be thankful. Be creative! Use photos, pictures from magazines, words, doodles, etc. 
• Send a thank you note, text, e-mail, or phone call on a regular basis. Shoot a quick text to your best friend saying that you are grateful to have her in your life. Write a note to a teacher who made an impression on you. Slide a note into your child's lunch that tells him how much you appreciate him. You don't even have to send the message to receive the benefits, but why wouldn't you want to pass on the good will?
• Volunteer. My daughters and I have spent some time volunteering at a local program that provides food for families in need. We pack bags of food to put into students' backpacks during the school year and we serve lunches in low-income communities during the summer time. While it's hard to know how much is sinking in for my young kids, it has opened up the door for some powerful conversations, and it has certainly made me grateful for what my family has. 
• Talk about gratitude.  If you are grateful that your husband took out the trash, thank him. Spend some time with friends and family talking about all you have to be thankful for in life. If you have kids, ask them what they are grateful for as part of your bed-time routine. Don't forget to share your own gratitudes.
• Reframe "I'm sorry" to "Thank You." This advice showed up in my facebook feed today and I think it's brilliant. For example, if you make a mistake, rather than saying "I'm sorry," tell the other person "Thank you for understanding." If you're late, say "Thank you for waiting." If you mess up at work, say "Thank you for showing me how to do it." This does a few things: it takes you out of the self-deprecation and blame mode, and it boosts the other person by expressing gratitude for their behavior. It might also assuage some of the frustration the other person is feeling about your mistake by spreading a more positive sentiment.
• Model it!  As you practice gratitude, remember that you are modeling it for others. Modeling is a powerful way to encourage behavior, especially with kids.  If we write thank you notes, leave messages of gratitude, talk about what we are thankful for, and focus on what we have rather than on what we don't, children will learn to do the same. In fact, even well-socialized adults will often mirror the behavior of others. We've all heard the phrase, "Pay it forward," right? Try thanking your partner or friend or neighbor for something, and odds are, they will return the favor. Warm fuzzies all around.

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